baldsarcasm.com

natural blues

it's not an easy thing to do, to put into words, the raw emotion and feelings of the going 'home' experience. the crunch-crunch of the tires on the gravel road, the rattle-rattle of the car's suspension as it tries to navigate the unkown. that last cattle guard thump before crossing under the burke's gate as you roll down that window to take in the all to familiar smells and scenery. nothing seems to change here, or so it seems.

the cars that litter the property. the sheds and the stories they tell. my grandfather still walks around his work shed though he has been dead now for over 9 years. one almost expects him to peek his head out, overalls on and a ciggie a burning, filterless thank you. it's hard to imagine my father once hoisted me up when a six year old onto the jungle gym grandpa made. i now stand as tall as it, and lift my niece onto it. the rusted whirlybird no longer in service, but at one time brought cheers of laughter, screams of pain as we tried to spin ourselves into delirium.

the adjacent bedroom shed. the one i insist on sleeping in to this day. i refer to it as my 'bedroom'. just off the beaten path with a little independance, or so my grandmother has always said. a bedroom fitting me, my personality. the land does get under you skin and has always had a place in my heart and life. the star swept nights, wind, the rain and the storms. the hot muggy days.

then there is the burke's right of passage, the suicide swing. 1980 was the last time i saw someone go over the top, but we all do try, even myself. i made horizontal, but just could not get over the top. in true burke fashion it's not important to make it over the top as it is to try and make it. to try is sometimes greater then the accomplishment, or so we have been taught.

i am reminded of a story of when i was a teenager back in wyoming. the tornado sirens had just went off in a fury as god slammed down his iron fist. i had never in my life seen such a storm, nor have i until this day. i told my grandmother i wanted to go out and watch it unfold before me. she resisted, but my grandfather said, 'let the boy do what he wants to do, give him a poncho'. my grandmother relented and gave me that poncho as i proceeded to lay myself out on the gravel road, on my back, watching natures show unfold before me. the lightning crackled and struck all around me, the thunder was unimaginable. the wind blew so hard, if i were to walk i would have blown over.

i was allowed very early in life to be myself and to take chances. i owe a lot of this to both my grandmother and grandfather. i would not be where i am now in life if it were not for the two of you. thank you for everything. i love and miss you both terribly.