baldsarcasm.com

i sniff my fingers, i can smell it.

gag you did. i kind of like that. like when i grabbed your hair and forced you down. you gagged. i can still smell your butt skank though. one should come showered at least? or if the last shit you had taken, please just wipe.

*

yes take a butt swipe. at least. i think you came in my mouth twice. this was just last night. i know i know, i have become a total slut.

why in the fuck do i meet the hottest men and why do you all like me? i can not figure it out.

then they leave. i snore to loud. they all say this. yes, i snore horribly loud. of course it does not wake me up at all just the dead sleeping next to me.

**

i was thinking about you today. i miss you and i miss you too. i do really miss you two so much. it's okay, you have followed your dreams. i made my dreams come true just as the both of you two are doing now. the two of you became such a part of my life but then it was time for the goodbyes. i have never liked goodbyes and i never will. one might ask, "who is, who is these two?" talk to my heart, it has the answer.

"it's been very rough these past few years. very rough."

pixels and well worm strips of black print:

"love, men and sex. vacations. family and friends. deaths. changes at work. my own newly found health issues. the world and where it is all headed, what it has become and what it will be."

***

i really thought this 1,500 dollar a month apartment was just going to be my sojourn for awhile but it has become my solace. it is where i hide from the madness of this stinking planet at times. things did not work out like i had thought exactly and i never thought i would be in an apartment like this either. go figure.

a best friend said to me the other day "i always look at the glass half full but david you always look at it half empty."

he is right and why i do this i have not a clue. i have had great success, i have everything beautiful i have ever wanted. great family and friends too but i still feel like something is missing.

****

maybe i just need more butt skank on my fingers?

*****

over and out,
and as always your,

davey.

[davey, it's homage to my mother who i miss every fucking day. everyday. a catholic girl gone wild who got knocked up with me. not really though, she married a man named jim who fell in love with her when she was cage dancing on the sunset strip one night and they had me. their marriage did not last long though.

mom stopped dancing and went on to secretary school. she worked two jobs, one for the may company and one for cedars, the hospital. the doctor had the hots for my mom, they had an affair. he blew his brains out in the office one day while my mother sat outside. not long after that a man named les was putting in a new phone system at the hospital. they fell in love. hence, my new dad and to be a new sister.

mom went on to help those that could not be helped and worked for a rest home for over 25 years. her funeral was amazing and those that came to express their love for her. including my friends and ex-partners.

i was raised by my mother, grandmother (my mothers mother) and my aunt stella and her husband uncle barry (my mothers brother), when i was young before dad #2.

my mom gave me my first ciggie at 5yrs old. she was the first one that took me to my first beach around the same age and she also took me on my first coaster, the matterhorn at disneyland. she took me to my first concert, ray charles at the shrine auditorium. she never stopped showing me and teaching me. i still can not forget when in college she wanted to smoke a joint with me. remember the time you took me to TJ? then you had to deal with your only son being gay. you dealt with it pretty well and i have to say that your love and support of myself and my partners to come, that is something i can never forget.

thank you for a great life and all that you have taught me. you raised a great son.]