new years day
the apartment feels so empty now. the last of the revelers has parted and on their way for the day. the love remains though and will always stay.
john asked me this morning, "why do you look so sad and melancholy?"
i said, because i don't have anything to bitch about. if i am not bitching, i am not happy. or so it seems.
i have many pictures and thoughts, words of the last few months. i have neglected my 'dear diary' and have chosen to live my life not here, but in the real world. plus, it gets really boring after awhile reading about a tortured soul. even for myself. tortured i am, dealing with it i am. it makes for great writing though, even i have to admit.
*
the silence beckons my call. it comes in my sleep and in my dreams. my shrink says to just clap my hands, "and to let it all go." simple as that. LET IT ALL GO. it's hard to let it all go, the pain. she understands, my family understands and my close friends understand. i am doing my best to understand. to understand myself. i am doing my best to let it all go.
and yes, i have clapped my hands. more then once and with that i start a new year.